Who Wants 'Em?

July 1^st is coming quick, so we thought we would take a very serious look at who the Avalanche should go after when the big Free Agent Frenzy hits:

Steve Bernier (NJ): Because Kevin Porter didn’t help us lose enough games last year.

Chris Porter (STL): Double Trouble.

Jonathan Cheechoo (STL): So Paul Bissonnette won’t feel like the only one spending so many games in the press box.

Steve Pinizzotti (VAN): Just so we can hear Peter McNabb excitedly yell out his name several times in a boring sequence.

Rob Klinkhammer (OTT): Because the NHL Headline possibilities would be endless.

Cristobal Huet (CHI): Because a goalie that played the last few years in the Swiss league so obviously NHL ready.

Dustin Penner (LA): We couldn’t think of any clever pancake quips.

Alex Semin (WSH): So we can have another underachieving Russian.

Zach Parise (NJ): Just to make every reporter that ever said “He’s going to Minnesota” look stupid.

Shane Doan (PHX): To spare him the agony of having to play another year in Phoenix.

Dwayne Roloson (TB): Because J.S. Giguere isn’t geriatric enough.

Sean Avery (NYR): Who else can give Joe Sacco fashion advice when he fails miserably again behind the bench?

Jarret Stoll (LA): For the soul reason that he is why Vancouver didn’t win the Cup.

Ryan Smyth (EDM): So Cody McLeod doesn’t have to be the ugliest guy on the team.

Barrett Jackman (STL): Because one former “#1 defenseman with great potential” from St. Louis isn’t enough.

Jeff Finger (TOR): To see if Avs management can somehow manage to pay him more for his services than Toronto did.

Bryce Salvador (NJ): So the Avs can join in on the teams that are going to grossly overpay him for his once in a lifetime offensive playoff outburst.

Dominic Moore (SJ): So he can wear #36 and give Todd Bertuzzi horrible flashbacks every time we play Detroit.

Ryan Stoa (COL): We can’t even joke about how bad of an idea that would be.

Joakim Lindstrom (COL): Because that worked out so well the first time.

Matt Smaby (ANH): To see what nickname players can make for a guy whose name ends in “y”. (Smabs?)

Marty Turco (BOS): So he doesn’t have to be a guest panellist on TSN or the NHL Network anymore.

Stu Bickel (NYR): Who doesn’t want a guy who played less than 4 minutes in a triple overtime game?

And last but not least:

Tyler Arnason (Who Cares?): Reason #1: So Adrian Dater can finally upload a more recent picture of him onto his live game chats. Reason #2: To remind bandwagon Avs fans that the last 2 years could have been A LOT worse. Reason #3: So #FireSherman can actually trend worldwide.