The Absolute Wreck We Call The Minnesota Wild Organization

The Minnesota Wild may very well beat out the Avs for the final wild card spot in the Western Conference. If you don’t think it is at least a possibility, then you are nuts. But let’s forget all the probables and possibles, and look at how much of a mess the Wild organization is at the moment, in terms of players, drafting, and salary cap.

Let’s start with the obvious: The absolutely terrible cap management by GM Chuck Fletcher. The worst contract on the team isn’t actually found in newest NHL Coach Killer Zach Parise, or the bust-ish defenseman Ryan Suter (more on them later), but with the $5.6M dollar man…..

Jason Pomminville. Pomminville, of former Sabres success, has 11 goals and 33 points in 67 games. That isn’t a very good dollars for goals ratio, and a lot of money for a guy who is on the downswing. Good thing the Wild only have to pay him until 2019. At least Chuck Fletcher hasn’t given out any terrible contracts to other former Sabres forwards.

Thomas Vanek. Former Buffalo Sabre, Thomas Vanek. Vanek has been a healthy scratch for the past 4 games and with good reason. He had 1 goal in 12 his last 12 games, and oh yeah, he is worth $6.5M. And he is on the books for one more year after this one. Well Mr. Fletcher, that is a lot of money sitting in the press box. Looks like signing somebody for huge money because they had ties to the “State of Hockey” was a bad idea. Hopefully that is a mistake you’ll only make once.

Zach Parise, signed partially because of his ties to the great state of Minnesota, is actually (and this is hard to say) a decent hockey player. But the $98M contract he signed, coupled by terrible leadership and a bad attitude is unfortunate situations, leads to a hockey player that is undesirable on any hockey team that craves a team first attitude and wants to be competitive. It is a good thing GM Chuck Fletcher will never give out another contract quite that bad in his remainder of his probably short career.

Ryan Suter! Recipiant of an identical $98M contract is often shaky in his own zone, and only shows powerplay brilliance about half the time. We could write more about how he isn’t a good enough defenseman to play 30 minutes a night, and how he will never be Shea Weber, but we won’t.

Other bad contracts: Mikko Koivu – $6.75M. Stat line: 74 games, 17 goals, 50 points. But he can win faceoffs! Oh wait, so can David Steckel.

David Jones - $4M. 11 goals in 69 games. Why would they trade for this contract? Yea he’s a UFA, but he brings nothing to the team unless “playing terribly on the second line” is a thing. Remember?

Bottom Line: about $38M invested in 5 players. The kicker: They are a fringe playoff team. Teams that spend like this (Dallas, Chicago, Washington, LA, NYR) are top teams looking at playoff success.

Okay, we have covered the roster players, now let’s take a look at the team’s prospect pool and drafting history. We’ll just fire off a few quick stats: Since the 2010 entry draft, the Wild have drafted 2 players that have played more than FIVE (!!!!!!) games in the NHL. That is 35 NHL players, 12 in the first 3 rounds. Another astounding stat: Since the 2003 NHL Entry Draft, the Wild have drafted 2 players that have scored more than 42 goals with the team. That must be a record.

So sure, the Avs can miss the playoffs, and the Wild can make it in, only to get slaughtered in the first round by some real NHL team. And if that happens, Avs fans shouldn’t fret. Why? A few reasons. It isn’t like it was the Wild bouncing us out in some Wild Card tie breaker game. Oh, and the franchise is garbage, has historically been garbage, and it looks like they will be garbage, or at least a playoff bubble team, for many years to come. Meanwhile, the Avs look promising to rise among the ranks of the Western Conference elite. So sleep well Avs fans, regardless of this year’s end result. It could be worse, we could be Wild fans.

Other Reading: *Disclaimer - This is strictly for the readers. We don't get ad click revenue or any kind of revenue, so we're not trying to shamelessy plug our articles!

PATENT PENDING: THEY DO THIS SO MUCH, THEY MIGHT AS WELL OWN THEM

NEW ALL-STAR GAME FORMAT: WHO MAKES IT FOR THE AVS? OTHER TEAMS?

NEWS FLASH: THE AVS HAVE BEEN JUST AS BAD AS THE OILERS SINCE 2008

ALSO:

THE 5 WORST CONTRACTS ON THE COLORADO AVALANCHE

News Flash: The Avs Have Been Almost As Bad As The Oilers Since 2008

Bite your tongue the next time you go to bash the Edmonton Oilers. Stop yourself before you say the age old comment such as “4 1^st overall picks and they haven’t done anything in 10 years!” or “how can a team with that much talent suck so bad?”. Why do you have to watch what you say? Because you’re an Avs fan, and in the recent past, the last 8 years, the Avs and the Oilers are all too similar, having very close to the same amount of success, or lack thereof. *How is “thereof” a word but “alot” isn’t?

Other teams get the privilege of making fun of the Oilers. Other teams can laugh and joke and poke fun. Why? Because other teams have accomplished something. (Disclaimer: We are currently not counting the Maple Leafs as an NHL team because their current roster reads like an ECHL starting lineup).

“The Avs have TOO accomplished more than Oilers recently!” you yell at your computer screen as you read these words in disgust. “The Oilers haven’t made the playoffs in almost TEN years, with a team full of first round picks!” Sorry to burst your bubble dear reader, but upon our own realization of what you are about to experience, the only way to cope with the horror is to inflict it on others, and take solace in the fact that many more will feel just as bad as us!

“You sick sons of bitches!” you exclaim, wide eyed and innocent.

We know………we know. But here is proof that in the last 8 years, the Avs and Oilers are on the same level unsucess.

Let’s take a look at the facts. The Oilers: Playoff appearances since 2006: 0. 1^st overall picks since 2006: 4. Top 10 picks since 2006: 8. Seasons in which they have moderately competed at a level similar to that of an NHL team since 2006: 3. It’s bad. So bad.

We are going to keep this quick. The Band-Aid method if you will: In terms of draft picks, the Avs and Oilers have had a relatively similar track record: When the Oilers picked up Eberle (22^nd, 2008), Paajarvi (10^th, 2009), Hall (1^st, 2010), Nugent-Hopkins (1^st, 2011), Yakupov (1^st, 2012), Nurse (7^th, 2013), Draisaitl (3^rd, 2014), and McDavid (1^st, 2015), the Avs were building up as well:

Duchene (3^rd) O’Reilly (33^rd, 2008), Landeskog (2^nd) Seimens (11^th, 2011), MacKinnon (1^st, 2013), Rantanen (10^th, 2015).

It can be argued, with a high chance at winning, that Duchene, Landeskog, and MacKinnon are better than all of RNH, Hall, and Yakupov. O’Reilly is up there in competing with everyone other than McDavid. What does this all mean? It means the Avs have gotten better players at the draft; better pieces for immediate and long term success. On paper and in the standings, the Avs have been a better team the Oilers for a lot of seasons since 2006. But riddle us this: Which two teams in the West (Other than the new Jets) have not made the 2^nd round of the playoffs since the beginning of the 2008 season? Answer: The Stars, the Oilers, and the Avs. And boy are the Stars going to be good for a crazy long time.

The Avs have only won 5 more playoffs games than the Oilers in that time. The Avs have had better teams, better coaches, better management, better players, better draft choices, but when it all boils down to the cold hard facts, the Avs and the Oilers have had the same pathetic amount of actual success in 8 years.

We know what you’re going to say. “The Avs won the Central division title, the toughest division in hockey, just 2 years ago!” True. And that is a fair victory for the Avs in this argument.

“But the Avs have had way better regular seasons since then, regardless of playoff wins or appearances.” Have they? In the 5 years between 2008-13, the last years of the Northwest division, the Avs were ahead of the Oilers in the standings 3 times. Only 4 points ahead in 2011. Since realignments, the AVs won their division then came in 7^th last season, when the Oilers came in 6^th in theirs.

This was all done when the Oilers had terrible defence, a revolving door of goalies, and forward depth that couldn’t make the UHL all-star team. We never said the Avs were AS BAD as the Oilers in this time frame, but looking back, they are very close to the rock bottom pit the Oilers have called home the past 8 years. The worst part: The Oilers are going to be stupid good in the near future. That is certain. The Avs are guaranteed to be mediocre. They may be more than that, but nobody knows for sure.

So next time you want to blast the Oilers for sucking, or any team really, take a long hard look back at the failures and overall unsuccess of the Colorado Avalanche.

Seimens has been a bust for 11^th overall, and Bleakley/Hishon have been terrible mid 1^st round picks, so what does this all mean? 

Other Reading: *Disclaimer - This is strictly for the readers. We don't get ad click revenue or any kind of revenue, so we're not trying to shamelessy plug our articles!

Patent Pending: They Do This So Much, They Might As Well Own Them

New All-Star Game Format: Who Makes it For The Avs? Other Teams?

Satirical eBay Listing Trolls Avs, Varlamov Over Game 1 Loss

Also:

The 5 Worst Contracts on the Colorado Avalanche

The 5 Worst Contracts On The Colorado Avalanche

In a salary cap, sign your young players, lock up your RFA’s, sign the best player available FAST on Free Agent day, type of hockey world that we live in, there is no shortage of a wide variety of contracts. You have the short term-prove-yourself-because-you-are-so-old-we-are-surprised-you-didn’t-fall-apart-during-your-PTO type contracts. There is the prove-yourself-because you-are-young-and-we-want-to-see-if-we-didn’t-waste-that-high-round-pick-on-you-instead-of-that-guy-who-is-playing-really-well-for-the-team-that-drafted-after-us type contract. There is the bridge deal. There is the long term, big money superstar contracts. There is the average money/average term for an average player contract. All types. But let’s focus on the fun contracts. The so bad, they will always be talked about type contracts. The Avs have a few of these, so enough blabber, let’s get to it. Note: These are not ranked 1-5. That would be a tedious, worthless thing to do. What’s the point? It’s like, why did that one teacher give you 83% on your essay rather than 84%? What magic algorithm did they use to come up with that number?

*By the way, we hope you appreciate the fact that we didn’t make this into a 6 slide type slideshow post for clicks. And that we didn’t name the article “You won’t believe what these NHL teams did to these players! WOW! Gary Bettman saw this and his jaw DROPPED!”

The Player: Maxime Noreau

Length: 2 years

Years left: 1 (current season)

Money: $625,000

If you’re thinking “how is a small deal like this for an AHLer considered the 5^th worst contract on the team?” then we only have a few sentences that should change your mind. Noreau was lured here from Europe, on what was most likely a recommendation by Matt Duchene, who played with Noreau during the last lockout. The bad part? Noreau was signed to a 1 way contract, meaning no matter where he plays, he is getting the full amount of money, and all of it counts against the cap. That is just silly. Noreau probably said he wasn’t coming over unless he was making full money, which is fair, but still. What a waste of money and cap space.

Player: Brad Stuart

Length: 3 years

Years left: 1 after this season

Money: $3.6M

If you clicked this article without this contract in mind, we would love to hear your top 5. Stuart came over in a trade for a 2^nd(!!!!!) and a 6^th round pick with San Jose. Then, before he even played 1 second with the Avs, in training camp or practice or anything, he was offered a whopping 3.6 million dollars. What a risk to take on an old D-man who was already on a huge downswing. Avs brass really messed this one up as one of their first deals. Even if Stuart played relatively well during his time here, which he hasn’t, it still would be an awful contract. The best thing he has done is get hurt. That created a chain reaction of giving Guenin more ice time, realizing Guenin is also bad, demoting/scratching Guenin, and giving the young guys a chance to play. How is Stuart going to fit into this team next year, and who is ever going to take his contract?

The Player: Carl Soderberg

Length: 5 years

Years left: 4 after this season

Money: $4.75M

Carl Soderberg is good. He is an effective member of the team that can play in many situations. He is not, however, 4.75 million dollars good. He is not “not even a million less than Landeskog” good. This contract was 3 things: Bring in a center to replace O’Reilly; Panic because O’Reilly is gone so overpay a player who has barely ever seen 2^nd line minutes; feel okay about overpaying as a kind of “haha” to O’Reilly. That last one is not confirmed, and many may disagree, but giving Soderberg this much money after letting a way better player walk may have ulterior motives in terms of sticking it to ROR. Bottom line: Soderberg has never scored more than 16 goals and is making star player money. He better turn into a 2-way dynamo and make us eat our words.

The Player: Hick Holden

Length: 3 years

Years left: 2 after this season

Money: $1.65M

The money? Fantastic for the mileage the Avs get out of Holden. The length: this is what make the contract one of the worst. Holden was brought in from Columbus while making 600K a year, and after a good year with the Avs (10 goals) he was given the new contract that kicked in at the beginning of this season. But what were the Avs thinking, signing him though 2018? With prospects out the rear end coming up (Siemens, Bigras, Geertson) and roster main stays (EJ, Barrie) did they destine Holden to the bottom pairing?

The Player: Tyson Barrie

Length: 2 years

Years left: 0 after this season (RFA)

Money: $2.6M

Barrie deals with the same people that dealt with Ryan O’Reilly and Ryan Johansen. Meaning they brainwash their players into a false sense of self-worth to the point where they fail to report to their jobs until they get the money they want. If every job was like this, the world would explode, but they are athletes. Entertainers. And some we are at their mercy. Anyways, the Avs would have been better off giving Barrie a long term deal at around 5-6 million dollars. Say a nice juicy 7 year, 42 million dollar deal. (6 Million per year for the mathematically challenged). We don’t need to type about why that would have been good. Instead, during the years where the Avs have all the cap space they could ever need, they sign him to a bridge deal. 2.6 million bucks, and the contract expires after Barrie has just enough time to show how good he is and how good he is going to be. Bottom line: You don’t bridge deal a sure thing. Isn’t that right PK Subban? Guaranteed, the Avs are going to be breaking their team set $6M personal cap in order to keep Barrie. So what will happen? There will be a nasty contract battle, Barrie will get signed, or not, and either way, a lot of players are going to resent Barrie’s financial decisions. Oh, and that stupid player agent company will be laughing all the way to the bank and there will be another lockout and owners will complain, almost rightfully so. Almost.

We hope you enjoyed the analysis of the Avs contracts and a special thanks to General Fanager for taking all of CapGeek’s stuff and putting it on a new platform. Just kidding, General Fanager is a life saver and the name is simple and clever. Agree? Disagree? @ us (it makes us feel like we matter) or comment below. You won’t comment. So just @ us.

The 5 Most Surprising Statistics This Season For The Colorado Avalanche

It is no secret that the Avs are off to a rough start. Constantly hovering around 26^th to, you know, dead last, has its perks however. These perks are looking at the player and team statistics and finding things that make you just shake your head. Well, we have saved you the grief of perusing through the statistics, and we have compiled the top 5 most surprising statistics so far this year on the Avs.

#5: Jack Skille – Skille’s start to the season, where he was the only one really trying his hardest, and he looked like he could be a secret offensive gem. But the offense stopped after the first few games. The statistical surprise: 21GP, 2G, 1A, 3PTS. Unfortunately he has also seen his playing time cut down, spending time on the 4^th line with Street, Everberg, and whoever else squeaks in the lineup.

#4: Face-off winning percentage. Remember when the Avs biggest problem was having too many top tier centers? MacKinnon, Duchene, O’Reilly, Stastny, and Hishon. Yes Hishon. He meant something once. Now 1 of those guys is in the minors and 2 are traded away. Our center depth is still decent. Duchene, Soderberg, MacKinnon, Grigorenko. But it isn’t helping. The Avs currently sit 29^th in the league (That’s second last for the late people reading) at 48.3 percent. It doesn’t just stop there. They are 28^th overall in even strength FOW percentage, and 1^st overall in faceoffs LOST while on the powerplay.

#3: Lack of offense from Tanguay. Yes he is injured now but let’s take a look at the 14 games he played: 2G, 4A. This is pretty shocking coming from the guy who scored 22 goals last year and was 3^rd on the team in points. Not to mention he was playing with the likes of Iginla, Landeskog, Duchene, and pretty much everyone with offensive talent. Hopefully he comes back rejuvenated and ready to start helping the team.

#2: Nathan MacKinnon’s 9 goals. Everybody expected MacKinnon to bounce back from his offensively disappointing season last year but this is great! MacKinnon has 9 goals just a quarter of the way through the year, which is just 5 away from his 14 tallies of last year. He is on pace for about 32 goals this year and he is really showing no signs of slowing down.

#1: Lack of scoring on defense. EJ can’t do it all. But he is. The other 8(!!!!) defensemen who have suited up for the Avs this year have combined for a putrid 3 goals. In a combined 105 games. Hm, seems like we’ve been down this roadbefore.

Honourable mentions: 8 wins in 21 games for the team, Duchene playing crazy right now, Varlamov’s less than stellar 3.05GAA and .894 sv%.

Other Reading: *Disclaimer - This is strictly for the readers. We don't get ad click revenue or any kind of revenue, so we're not trying to shamelessy plug our articles!

Patent Pending: They Do This So Much, They Might As Well Own Them

New All-Star Game Format: Who Makes it For The Avs? Other Teams?

Satirical eBay Listing Trolls Avs, Varlamov Over Game 1 Loss

Patent Pending: They Do This So Much, They Might As Well Own Them

We all know patents. If something is good enough, or if it your own idea or concept and everyone else is starting to get on the bandwagon, you slap your name on it, because by golly, you earned it. Well the same should be said for some things in hockey. Gretzky patented the behind the net deke and pass. Orr patented the diving through the air Stanley Cup goal. No one else has done it since. Not because they didn’t want to, but because they don’t want to pay the royalties. By the way, we misspelled Gretzky that first time and the spelling correction suggestion was Trotsky. Can we get a Canadian computer here? Anyways: Gordie Howe patented the elbowing penalty AND the Gordie Howe hat trick (Even though he only ever had 3 in his career) and Matt Cooke patented the phrase “I can change”. Given the less than spectacular start by the Avs, here are some of the things they do in any given hockey game that they need to get their name on…quick!

Patent Pending: The Logo Shot

You’ve all seen this. Whether it’s streaking down the wing, a cross ice pass, breakaway, or a point shot on a powerplay, the Avs always manage to hit the logo of whatever goalie is in net. Sometimes they miss, and the people in the hockey world call those “goals”. The Logo Shot is an epidemic among the Avs players so why not take official credit? We hear the Avs shooter tutor is just a plastic sheet over the open net with a small circular hole cut out of the middle. They score a lot of goals in practice.

Patent Pending: The Totally Inappropriate, Ill Timed, Unnecessary, Drop Pass

The name needs work, but that is what the marketing team is for. We’ve all seen this too. Whether it’s an own zone breakout, neutral zone invasion, powerplay zone entry, of in the slot scoring chance, the Avs love to drop the puck back to the guy behind them. We credit the Mighty Ducks movies for making this look cool. Damn you Emilio Estivez for the Flying V!

Patent Pending: The Own Zone Breakout Problems

3 guys can make a pass out of their own zone. Barrie, Beauchemin, Johnson. 4 guys cant. Gormley, Guenin, Holden, Stuart. And the majority of the time they’re all just so soft on their end of the blueline that it never even materializes. If anyone knows a wizard, can they get him to transform the Avs into 14 year old teenagers who eat fast food? They seem to have no problems with breakouts.

Patent Pending: The Powerplay Dump-In

Why dump it in to the waiting, ready, defender who is just going to clear it out? Carry it in!

Patent Pending: The Pulled Goalie Dump-In

See above scenario and change the situation to when the Avs pull their goalie for an extra attacker.

Patent Pending: The “Walk To The Penalty Box” Silence

Around the league, if penalties are taken, a lot of the time players will have a few word with the referees, generally disagreeing with the call, and voice this disagreement in a variety of terms and ways. Not the Avs. Save for the Capitals game, almost all of the Avs penalties have been stupid and blatant, which translates to a quiet, shameful waltz to the sin bin.

Patent Pending: Over Analyzing the “Good Things” they’ve done in a game.

The Avs could lose 16-2, go 2-4 on the powerplay and allow 0 PP goals in 5 chances. The reaction from players and coach: Well we thought our powerplay was great for us tonight and our penalty killing was superb. We need to work on winning some more 5-5 battles but we didn’t give up when it started to get bad. This means we have a good game and we don’t need a morning skate or hard practice. Let’s go for pizza and ice cream guys, good job!” You all know this isn’t an exaggeration. 

New All-Star Game Format: Who Makes it For The Avs? Other Teams?

The NHL All-Star game format changed for this year, as we are sure most of you know, perhaps for the better; perhaps the worse. Only time will tell. But instead we’re going to blindly speculate the 5 best and 5 worst things, potentially, about the all-star game even though we don’t know teams, it has never happened before, this is brand new, and we complained and hated the last All-Star games. Just kidding, those articles are pointless and every credited NHL writing team has done it because apparently there is nothing to write about anymore except speculation. Journalism is apparently dead.

So let’s talk about what we do know: a quick reminder about the important changes. 3 on 3; 4 teams, 1 from each conference; every team must be represented; 11 players per team, 6 forwards, 3 d-men, 2 goalies; the fans choose 1 player for each team, the NHL choses the other 10. That is all you need to know for the purpose of this post.

So, every team must be represented, and with 11 players per conference that doesn’t leave a lot of room for everyone that deserves to play. Add in the fact that the Central Division has some of the most electric and entertaining big name players in league, and we have a tough situation. So what does this mean for the Avs?

The player chosen by the fans will most likely be a Blackhawk, and if it isn’t it most likely won’t be a Colorado player. Uh oh, we’re speculating. Let’s look at the no brainers, sans Avs.

The probable players:

Toews - CHI

Kane - CHI

Tarasenko - STL

Seguin - DAL

Benn – DAL

Filip Forsberg – NSH

Parise – MIN

Wheeler - WPG

Shea Weber – NSH

Klingberg – DAL

Suter – MIN

Keith – CHI

Rinne – NSH

Dubnyk – MIN

Allen – STL

Here are the shoe ins for the ASG excluding Avs players. But wait. This is already way over the roster size. So let’s look at our options. Wheeler has to stay because he is Winnipeg’s only representative. Keith on defense probably won’t make it. All of the other players really deserve to be there, but we still need room for at least one Colorado player. Will the Avs be the only other team to only have 1 representative? 

You can count out a goalie spot. Berra will never make it and unless Varlamov plays out of his mind and racks up wins, he’s out. On defense, has Barrie played well enough to oust any of the 3 d-men left up there? No. Has Johnson? Not yet. So because of the competition, you can count out a defensive representative. But it gets very interesting at forward. As we see it right now, the Avs have only 2 worthy representatives. Iginla unfortunately doesn’t make the cut, and neither does Landeskog. But both MacKinnon and Duchene deserve to be there, and with Wheeler staying put, who gets ousted? If the Wild send Dubnyk and/or Suter, look for Parise to sit out, which is a crime even though we hate him. All of us. But there are still 6 forwards on that list so someone has to go home. You simply cannot deny the dynamic Stars duo, and Kane/Toews are a given. If Jake Allen isn’t selected as a goalie, Tarasenko has to attend, and if he is, maybe Forsberg sits out. This is all assuming (that thing we said we hated at the beginning of the post) that only 1 Avalanche player makes it, which will probably be the case given the competition. So who makes the team? We say MacKinnon should represent the Avs over Duchene based purely on the fact that he knows Sidney Crosby and that’s been publicized. And because he has had a better, more consistent year.

It is confusing trying to figure out who plays and who doesn’t, and the poor guys who have to pick the teams are going to lose out with the fans no matter what. Think of how many players on these teams that are left off the list: Steen, Seabrook, Crawford, Neal, Spezza, Shattenkirk, Josi, Byfuglien, Pietrangelo, Little, Sharp, and so on.

Of course, a player could get hurt, traded, or run into another obstacle that stops them from attending. A player could go ice cold, and another player could heat up. If John Klingberg cools off do we see Erik Johnson?

If you think this all means nothing because of the many variables, and this was a huge waste of time, you’re wrong. Because as it stands right now, the Avs are only getting representation by 1 player during the whole All-Star weekend. It just wouldn’t make any sense otherwise. So hopefully MacKinnon has a good time.

* Bonus Scenario: Avs freakishly run into injury problems: Duchene, Iginla, Tanguay, Varly, Landy, MacKinnon, EJ, Barrie, Soderberg, Beauchemin, all get hurt and the Avs send John Mitchell. Wouldn't that be something.

Our pick for the Central Division All-Star Team:

Forwards:

Benn – DAL

Seguin – DAL

Kane – CHI

Tarasenko – STL

MacKinnon – COL

Little – WPG

Defensemen:

Weber – NSH

Klingberg – DAL

Suter – MIN

Goalies:

Rinne – NSH

Allen – STL

Little finally gets the recognition he deserves, Dallas/Nashville sends 3, Toews doesn’t make it because he is streaky so far, and the Wild get 1 player. The only tossup is subbing Dubnyk for Allen.

Agree? Disagree?

Satirical eBay Listing Trolls Avs, Varlamov Over Game 1 Loss

It is no secret among the NHL and its fans that the Avs blew a big lead in their opener to the Wild. With games like that comes remarks and beaking from the opposition fan base, but after Colorado’s 5-4 loss to the Wild, someone took it up another notch in sticking it to the Avs.

This screenshot was taken from an actual eBay listing that surfaced yesterday, found here, poking fun at Semyon Varlamov for his god awful 3^rd period. Some funny/painful details: Item condition: Used/Washed up. The entire item description is a stick tap to the Avs 3^rd period. The fact that it is $1000 speaks to how strongly this hockey fan feels about the situation. Add over $160 for shipping international (don't worry fellow Americans, it's free within the US) and you have yourself an expensive piece of prop comedy that could outdo a sports themed version of Carrot Top.

 Upon further review of the listing, this satirical listing shouldn’t necessarily be attributed to the horrible Wild fans we all know and love, but instead to someone from Colorado, as the seller has serious listings for Denver Broncos swag. Knockoff counterfeit swag, but swag none the less.

So if this was an Avs fan, then this may be a comical way to blow off steam in regards to the pathetic home opener. And it if it a Wild fan, they are all awful and don’t have anything to show for in terms of actual overall NHL success. But either way, it’s pretty funny stuff.

Update: Somebody actually bid on this, and we're hoping it is just a friend of the eBay user to add to the joke. If someone is paying $1000 for this, then everyone reading this is on the wrong business.