After The Tanguay Trade, A Look At Next Year's Colorado Avalanche

So you’ve like;y heard it by now, the Avs have traded for Tanguay and Sarich. This post isn’t about the trade (that we just LOVE by the way), this post is to get you all very excited about next season. How do you figure we can do that? Well just by simply proposing some projected line pairings:

Parenteau, Duchene, Landeskog

Downie, O’Reilly, Tanguay

Hejduk, Stastny, McGinn

Mcleod, Mitchell, Olver

(Palushaj, Bordaleau)

Johnson, Barrie

Wilson, Elliott

Hejda, Sarich

(Zanon, Hunwick)

Keep in mind, this is BEFORE the draft. So add Seth Jones or Nathan MacKinnon into the mix and the Avs are downright scary. The Avs also have about 10 million bucks to spend if they so desire. Oh, make sure you wipe the drool off the keyboard.

The 5 Worst Trades In Avalanche History

Like any other hockey team, the Avs have made some great trades and some horrible trades. Let’s take a look at the 5 worst trades in Avs history. Here is a fun thing you can do: Off the top your head, come up the five worst trades, then see if you missed any or if you were right. Here we go:

#5: The Colorado Avalanche traded Radim Vrbata to the Carolina Hurricanes for Bates Battaglia.

At the time it may have looked like a somewhat even trade. Vrbata was a young, relatively unproven forward and Battaglia was a hard-nosed forward with a 20 goal season already under his belt. But let’s look at this through our hindsight lense because that’s always fun. Since that trade, Vrbata has scored 166 goals and 187 assists. Not too shabby at all. Meanwhile, Battaglia, who lasted another half season in Colorado, has scored 17 goals and 31 assists in the NHL since, while bouncing around various European leagues in the process. But he won the Amazing Race with his brother so that’s pretty awesome I guess.

#4: The Colorado Avalanche traded Craig Anderson to the Ottawa Senators for Brian Elliott.

                                   

Remember Craig Anderson? That guy who would’ve won the Vezina this year if he didn’t get healthy? The guy who was the #1 reason the Avs made the playoffs the last time, and the #1 reason Sacco ever got a Jack Adams nomination? Well we traded him for Brian Elliott, who at the time was on one of his tremendous slumps. And we let him go for nothing. That is a trend in the Avs management. Let’s hope the new era changes that.

#3: The Colorado Avalanche traded Alex Tanguay to the Calgary Flames for Jordan Leopold, a 2nd round pick in 2006 (Codey Burki) and a 2nd round pick in 2007 (Trevor Cann).

The cap played a role in this trade, but it was a horrible return for a guy like Tanguay. Coming off a 29 goal season, the pending RFA was traded for a mediocre defenseman and two 2^nd round picks that amounted to 0 NHL games. Leopold was a good prospect, and the 2^nd round picks looked great, but Alex Tanguay, Game 7 hero in 2001 and still many years of prime hockey ahead of him couldn’t even muster a 1^st round pick or a few other roster players? That is unfortunate.

#2: The Colorado Avalanche traded Chris Stewart, Kevin Shattenkirk and a 2nd round pick in 2011 (Ty Rattie) to the St. Louis Blues for Erik Johnson, Jay McClement and a 1st round pick in 2011 (Duncan Siemens).

If I was Charlie Brown right now I would throw my head in the air and let out one big “AUUUUUG”! Why? Because this trade, in foresight, hindsight, nearsight, farsight, and even night vision on one of those neat goggle sets you can get at Target, it was a horrible trade. Stewart, who broke his hand and was just adjusting to play again, and Shattenkirk, All American D-man and a blue chip prospect, and a 2^nd round pick…for first overall bust (even at that time), Jay McClement, who we let go for nothing, AGAIN, and Duncan Siemens who, mark these words, won’t turn out to be anything in this league. Awful. You know why so let’s move on.

(Drumroll)

#1: The Colorado Avalanche traded Chris Drury and Stephane Yelle to the Calgary Flames for Derek Morris, Jeff Shantz and Dean McAmmond.

No Avs fan, when they read the newspaper the next morning, liked this trade. Again, money was the issue and it saw a great Avalanche player get shipped out of town for diddly squat. After the trade, Shantz played a total of 74 games in the NHL. The Avs did the ridiculous thing of trading McAmmond back to Calgary that same season. Fun note: that violated a transaction rule of the league so McAmmond was banned from playing the rest of the year. Derek Morris was alright on defense, but for CHRIS DRURY that’s all the Avs could get? Not to mention heart and soul player/great defensive centerman Stephane Yelle was included. Drury would go on to star in Calgary, Buffalo, and New York before hanging up the skates prematurely after signing a horrible contract. Yelle bounced around in Boston and Carolina before playing his last games with the Avs in 2011. Bottom line with this trade: The Avs traded an NHL Superstar/Allstar for a fading centerman (Shantz), a bottom 4 defenseman, and a winger with potential…that they traded back for a 4^th round draft pick. What on Earth were they thinking?

Honourable Mentions:

The Colorado Avalanche traded Sandis Ozolinsh and a 2nd round pick in 2000 (Tomas Kurka) to the Carolina Hurricanes for Nolan Pratt, a 1st round pick in 2000 (Vaclav Nedorost) and two second round picks in 2000 (Jared Aulin + Agris Saviels).

The Colorado Avalanche traded Chris Dingman to the Carolina Hurricanes for a 5th round pick in 2001 (Mikko Viitanen).

The Colorado Avalanche traded Johnny Boychuk to the Boston Bruins for Matt Hendricks.

If you disagree with the order, or think we left some trades out, leave them in the comments!

A Look At The Ice Girls Audtion Form

Take a second to read over this Ice Girls audition form

Very exciting right? Well, you didn’t read it close enough! Let’s over analyze it shall we?

“The Avalanche are looking for energetic, talented and outgoing girls in top physical condition…” why don’t they just say “Hey bleach blonde bimbos of Denver, if you’re attractive and have a killer body, please exploit yourselves so we can put behinds in the seats because the rest of our marketing sucks!”

So say you fit these non-biased restrictions. What else do you have to do?

“Bring a Resume” – good, they can see all the restaurants you’ve served at and tanning salons you’ve worked in.

“3 References” – Tell us the names of three of your mom’s friends that can talk you up.

“8’ x 10’ Professional Headshot” – Because when you show up, they still won’t know what you look like.

“(These Will Not Be Returned)” – ummm, that’s a little creepy. But it’s ok girls; if you really want them back I’m sure you can find them under the boss’s mattress.

It looks as though the girls will have to sign a liability waiver form for the proceedings. That is very smart and it most likely covers the inevitable sexual harrasment by the 65 year old janitor who will most likely be watching from behind a barrier somewhere.

Ok so we’ve covered the basics of trying out. What should you do if you land a roster spot?

Show up with “cropped top, fitted shorts, pants, or dance skirt.” – So pretty much show up wearing an outfit that enables us to see pretty much every inch of your body without being naked…because that is clearly necessary to clear ice during TV timeouts. Ahh sports.

So after the Avs PR staff did the “best” they could to not make the advertisements sound like auditions for an adult oriented establishment, or Hooters, we here at Avaholics Unanimous have just but ONE question: How do we sign on as judges?

Avalanche Player Grades: The Defense

Let’s continue the player grades shall we? You remember our goalie grades? Well let’s focus on defense this time. Spoiler Alert: If this was college, the Avalanche defense would be kicked out due academic failure.

Ryan Wilson: Grade B. Yea, he only played 12 games, but a grade here is necessary. Wilson, in those 12 games, showed a huge improvement over the last two seasons. He morphed from a young, mistake making defender into a hard hitting, solid player. Wilson wins the “Wish You Were Here” award.

Matt Hunwick: Grade C+. Hunwick continued his fast paced skating and his offensive styled game, but wasn’t clutch on the back end. The C+ grade is due to the fact that he met expectations and did not exceed them. He was actually a + this year! (+4) Hunwick wins the “Oh Right, He’s Playing Tonight” award.

Greg Zanon: Grade F. Slow, soft, mistakes all over the place, and just a horrible, overpriced idea in hindsight. Yes, we’re talking about every Hugh Grant movie. And Greg Zanon. Zanon was awful this year and don’t let his -16 fool you. He was on the ice for way more goals than that. Zanon wins the award of worst penalty killer. But yea, cool beard.

Shane O’Brien: Grade C+. When Sacco decided to actually play him, he was decent. And by decent we mean on par with the rest of the Avs D. He wins the “Another Defenseman That Didn’t Score” award.

Ryan O’Byrne: Grade F. You know why. He wins the “Good Riddance” award.

Jan Hejda: Grade B+. Hejda was the second best defenseman on the Avs roster this season. And come one, he helped us beat Vancouver. Hedja was solid night in and night out, and was second on the Avs in defensive scoring and one of three Avs to actually score a goal. He wins the “Almost worth the 3.25M per year” award.

Stefan Elliott: Grade C+. Elliott was better than O’Byrne and Zanon most of the time but found himself scratched or in the minors when the previous 2 players were playing. Elliott improved over last year, and improved over the horrific start he had in Lake Erie. Look for Elliott to be an offensive threat in the future. Elliott wins the “Most Likely To Get Good And Be Traded” award.

Erik Johnson: Grade D. Yea. D. Why? Because Erik Johnson scored 0 goals, only mustered 4 assists. He made some great plays in the backend but he is expected to score some points and add to the Avs offense. Unacceptable numbers for a former 1^st overall pick. Johnson wins the “Yea, Seth Jones ISNT A Gamble” award.

Tyson Barrie: Grade A. Yes we saved the best for last! Hey Joe Sacco, why wasn’t this guy in every game? Oh right. Because you don’t have a job. Anyways, Barrie gives the Avs blueline some hope in the future AND he led the Avs in D scoring. He wins the “Lone Bright Spot “ award.

What The Avs Should Do In The Offseason

To all the snarks out there that take our headlines to literally (See: various @ mentions after failed defensemen/Seth Jones article) these are just ideas. No, we do not mean the Avs should do everything we list below this offseason. We just figured “What the Avs Should Do This Offseason” sounded better than “A list of available players and unavailable players that the Avs should potentially go for, but don’t worry, we don’t want them to make all of these moves because, c’mon that would tear the team up and it would be unfeasible with cap restrictions, so these are just some fun ideas”. That didn’t fit in the title box. So here it is:

On Defense:

If the Avs draft Seth Jones, no, it will not magically solve their defensive woes. Jones has never played a pro game and just his mere presence next season won’t drastically improve the team on the back end. So the Avs still need help.

Trade/release/buy out Greg Zanon. Zanon makes 2.25 million against the cap and for his services, that is Ludacris. Wow. Autocorrect just auto-capitalized “ludacris” for some reason. I don’t even like rap. Anyways, even if the Avs D roster stays the same after Jones is drafted, he will be scratched often. So getting rid of him, preferably for a late draft pick, is a good idea. Buying him out is always an option.

Get rid of Shane O’Brien. Yes he is a heart and soul guy, but he barely played last year and again won’t get much ice time this year unless he really improves his game. With the emergence of Stefan Elliott, he is expendable.

Matt Hunwick: Sorry Hunwick, but you just aren’t very useful on a team like the Avs. Time to go.

So say the Avs draft Jones and let a few of the guys go above. They’ll still need to fill a roster spot or two. So who do they get?

Mark Streit: He is likely done in Long Island, and as a UFA the Avs could snag him up. He scored more point than any other Avs dman and had more goals (6) than all of the Avs blueline combined last year. He’s 35 so he can provide some veteran leadership to the young guys, and the Avs could probably get him at a reasonable price.

Ryan Whitney from Edmonton still has some value and it isn’t likely Scuderi will be resigned in LA. Joe Corvo and Ben Lovejoy would also shore up the back end a little tighter.

The Avs could pretty much gut their entire blueline with the exception of EJ, Barrie, and Elliott, and they would be better off than with what they dealt with this year. Now let’s look at some forwards. This will be fun.

Get rid of: Kobasew, Bordaleau, Vincour, Malone, and let Hejduk retire. If this all were to happen, they would still be left with 11 forwards on their roster with no big prospects vying for spots. So the Avs would need to get at least 3 guys. So let’s look at the free agent market shall we?

David Clarkson. Yes we hate him too but at 29, the Avs need a guy like him night in and night out. 3^rd line wing? Heck yes.

Matt Cooke: Cooke would add a dynamic no just kidding.

Brad Boyes: Hear us out. Boyes would add some sandpaper and some scoring touch to the third line, and Coach Roy would find ways for him to be effective.

Michael Ryder. Imagine Ryder flying down the wing with Duchene or Parenteau in his wake waiting for a pass. Yea, looks good doesn’t it?

So we’ve looked at who to let go and free agency pickups. And we aren’t going to talk trades because speculating those are just tired and pointless. See worst Twitter account ever @HockeyyInsiderr. No actually, you probably shouldn’t do that.