A Look At The Ice Girls Audtion Form

Take a second to read over this Ice Girls audition form

Very exciting right? Well, you didn’t read it close enough! Let’s over analyze it shall we?

“The Avalanche are looking for energetic, talented and outgoing girls in top physical condition…” why don’t they just say “Hey bleach blonde bimbos of Denver, if you’re attractive and have a killer body, please exploit yourselves so we can put behinds in the seats because the rest of our marketing sucks!”

So say you fit these non-biased restrictions. What else do you have to do?

“Bring a Resume” – good, they can see all the restaurants you’ve served at and tanning salons you’ve worked in.

“3 References” – Tell us the names of three of your mom’s friends that can talk you up.

“8’ x 10’ Professional Headshot” – Because when you show up, they still won’t know what you look like.

“(These Will Not Be Returned)” – ummm, that’s a little creepy. But it’s ok girls; if you really want them back I’m sure you can find them under the boss’s mattress.

It looks as though the girls will have to sign a liability waiver form for the proceedings. That is very smart and it most likely covers the inevitable sexual harrasment by the 65 year old janitor who will most likely be watching from behind a barrier somewhere.

Ok so we’ve covered the basics of trying out. What should you do if you land a roster spot?

Show up with “cropped top, fitted shorts, pants, or dance skirt.” – So pretty much show up wearing an outfit that enables us to see pretty much every inch of your body without being naked…because that is clearly necessary to clear ice during TV timeouts. Ahh sports.

So after the Avs PR staff did the “best” they could to not make the advertisements sound like auditions for an adult oriented establishment, or Hooters, we here at Avaholics Unanimous have just but ONE question: How do we sign on as judges?