The 2014 Colorado Avalanche Academy Awards

The NHL Awards are over so now it’s time for the 2^nd annual Colorado Avalanche Academy Awards! The first installment can be found here. We’re adding a few more awards and honours this year so prepared be even more mildly entertained than you were last year.

So let’s get started!

Best Picture: Nominees – Gabe Landeskog, Ryan O’Reilly, Erik Johnson

Winner: Erik Johnson. Gabe Landeskog, the dashingly good looking Swede that has every man questioning their sexuality, was in the running for back to back victories, but who can deny Johnson of these blond flowing locks and glowing excited smiles? Wow, we sound like Pierre McGuire describing every NHL draft prospect. That can’t be good. Moving on.

Best Visual Effects: Nominees – PA Parenteau, Nathan MacKinnon, Semyon Varlamov

Winner: Nathan MacKinnon. Parenteau almost won for making non-offsides look like offsides, but we have to give this one to MacKinnon. His ability to create streaking marks on our TV sets, and the way his legs look like roadrunners when he’s skating down ice is uncanny! That’s some hardcore CGI right there. The new Transformers movie could have used some of his expertise.

Best Disappearing Act: Nominees - PA Parenteau, Corey Sarich, Semyon Varlamov.

Winner: PA Parenteau. The new Habs forward wins this award, his last with the Avs. Sarich almost won it for his ability to never be seen again after the first half of the season, and Varly was a close 3^rd for being able to make pucks just vanish from thin air, but alas, Parenteau’s ability to disappear on the powerplay, on the back check, an in pretty much any offensive situation lands him the prestigious award. He must be so proud. Good luck Montreal!

Best Original Score: Nominees-Nathan MacKinnon, Patrick Bordaleau, Gabe Landeskog

Winner: Gabe Landeskog, with this beauty.

MacKinnon’s goal that broke Jared Spurgeon’s ankles was a nominee, and any Bordaleau goal is a nomination because he hardly ever scores. But we all remember the tic tac toe goal in game 2 against the Wild and that is something you don’t see every day. Enjoy the visuals!

Best Outbreak Performance: Nominees – Nathan MacKinnon, Patrick Roy, Joey Hishon

Winner: Patrick Roy. Bruce Boudreau and the Anaheim Ducks got to see this outbreak performance first hand. Remember the between the benches incident? It can he found here. That is a clear cut winner. What a great outbreak performance in his outbreak game.  Joey Hishon’s strong playoff performance, and MacKinnon’s entire rookie season were strong runners up.

Best Actor: Nominees – Nate Guenin, Ryan O’Reilly, Matt Hunwick.

Winner: Ryan O’Reilly. Guenin and Hunwick were nominated for their ability to act like they actually belong in the NHL when they, in fact, do not. But the Oscar goes to Ryan O’Reilly for being able to act, for a whole season, that he cares about this team more than he cares about his paycheck. Great performance!

Best Script: Nominees – Semyon Varlamov’s girlfriend for fabricating that ridiculous assault charge, Patrick Roy’s Jack Adams rookie season, The Avs turnaround.

Winner: Semyon Varlamov’s girlfriend for fabricating that ridiculous assault charge. Because she was a money hungry liar. You can pick up the Oscar on all the modelling sets that people aren’t going to call you to because you’re a joke.

Best Director:  Nominees – Patrick Roy, Joe Sakic, Greg Sherman.

Greg Sherman was nominated because of the solid offseason moves and excellent roster transactions he has performed during the season. Oh, he just balanced the chequebooks? He didn’t really do anything except accepting a paycheck? Wow, who is he, Rick DiPietro? But alas, the winner is Patrick Roy. Jack Adams. Great coach. Enough said.

Enough with the awards. Here are some honours to hand out.

Most Likely to be a Healthy Scratch: Nominees – Stefan Elliott, Paul Carey, Ryan Wilson.

Winner: Ryan Wilson. Because Patrick Roy hates him. Just trade him already!

Most Likely To Be Traded At The Deadline: Nominees – Nate Guenin, Cody McLeod, Jamie McGinn.

Winner: Cody McLeod. Teams are going to want a guy like McLeod heading into the playoffs. The other two have a good chance too.

Most Likely to Score a Ton of Goals Against The Avs: Nominees – Paul Stastny, Kevin Porter, Radim Vrbata.

Winner: Radim Vrbata. He always does. Paul Stastny won’t be scoring any goals against the Avs, especially if he gets the majority of defensive zone starts, AND because the Avs are going to be too busy lighting up the Blues awful goaltending and porous defense. 7 million dollars? Ha!