A Numbers Game: #14

(This is a series that will run through the offseason that highlights the best, worst, and most irrelevant players to wear each number from 1 to whenever there isn’t enough players that wore a certain number to do this. So…here…we…go…)

Think about the number 14 for Avs players. Before you go down the list, name 5 players that have worn #14. Can you do it? If you cant even name 5 players that have worn #14 for the Avalanche then you aren’t alone. As it turns out, 9 players have worn #14 for the burgundy and blue, but most stays with the number have been brief. 14 is also the number of starts Roberto Luongo will get before the Canucks fans start crying out for Eddie Lack. Because the horrible Canucks team/lack of defense and a strong core is Luonogo’s fault. Enjoying those paychecks Mike Gillis?

The Best: None other than Ian Laperriere. The only time Lappy scored 20 goals in an NHL season was his first with the Avs (05/06) and it was also his highest point total. But it wasn’t his point production that made Avs fans fall in love with him. It was his style of play, his grit, his fighting, his pesty qualities, his heart, his passion. His scoring dipped severely over the next few seasons in Colorado, but he still played good solid games.

The Worst: Tom Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald was more a victim of circumstance. He was traded to the Avs to man the RW spot on the 3^rd and 4^th lines in the playoffs. He played 11 games, scored 3 points, and was relatively ineffective. Needless to say, he did not get resigned, but became a vital part of the newly founded Nashville Predators.

Mr. Irrelevant: Christian Matte only played 22 games for the Avs, and only 7 while wearing #14. A leading scorer in the IHL and AHL through the 90’s, Matte could not crack an NHL lineup, let alone the talented, deep Avs corp. 394 points in 390 AHL games isn’t bad though.

Other 14’s:

Landon Wilson

Dave Hannan

Theoren Fleury

Dave Reid

Tomas Fleischmann

David Van Der Gulik

Also in the Series:

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Semyon Varlamov: Not The Only NHL Player To Be Arrested

If you are just hearing for the first time that Semyon Varlamov has been charged with third degree assault, then you should probably crawl back under that rock you live in. it’s getting lonely. Over the past few years the Avs have kind of been a joke around the league hey weren’t good, their games were boring, and they often finished in the basement (Landeskog, Duchene, MacKinnon: Who’s laughing now?). So given the recent success of this team, and their great play, Avs haters are using this charge on our goalie to finally stick it to/beak Avs fans. Ridiculous isn’t it? Here’s a tip: If someone  says “Well at least my goalie wasn’t arrested” respond with something like…oh I don’t know…”16-5” and just walk away like cool action heroes after an explosion near the end of the movie.

But it is important to keep in mind that Varly isn’t the only NHL player to have a run in with the law. Here are a few more recent cases:

Dustin Byfuglien

Charge: Careless boating.

Yea that wouldn’t go over so well in jail. Guys would be exchanging stories…”I’m in here for armed robbery man”…”I’m in here for grand larceny dawg.”…..”I’m in here because I found my wife cheating. They still haven’t found the bodies”….”I’m in here because I had 2 beers before going on a boat ride, and the cop was probably a Canucks fan.” Not so tough. Byfuglien was sentenced to 2 years of weight watchers.

Ben Eager

Charge: Assault.

Eager was arrested with his brother after an incident at a pub during the lockout last year. I guess he wasn’t really that Eager to negotiate a new CBA. Eager was sentenced to another season with the Oilers.

Nikolai Zherdev

Charge: Having a last name that’s way too hard to spell when you’re driving a boat drunk.

Actual Charge: Intentional damage to property of others.

Flyers owner Ed Snider had Zherdev arrested for intentionally damaging the good name of the Philadelphia Flyers, using his on ice play as a weapon. Just kidding. He actually smashed his wife’s car after a night out together at a restaurant. He was also heard yelling threats at his wife. Thise threats were probably along the lines of “I’ll go back to the KHL! I’ll do it!” Zherdev was sentenced to go back to the KHL. But it’s ok, now  no one watches him play because it’s the KHL.

Sean Avery

Charge: Suspicion of battery on a police officer. Because Avery keeps going and going and going and going…

Avery is all to familiar with charging in his career. It was 1 a.m. and a noise complaint was filed. Apparently it was music, but no one would be surprised if Avery was really just standing in front of a mirror yelling about how great he was. So when the police officer came…we’d just like to take a second and give ourselves a pat on the back for that Energizer Bunny/battery joke….when the police came Avery shoved one of them and was arrested. I had no idea Wayne Gretzky became a cop. STILL no NHLer can touch him without feeling the heat. No word on if Dave Semenko was his partner. Avery was sentenced to a life in the fashion industry.

Brett Sutter

Charge: Suspicion of assault.

Sutter apparently punched a guy outside of a bar at night. No word on if that guy was Jay Feaster and Sutter was just really mad because he was drafted to the Flames. Sutter was sentenced to watch his dad win a Stanley Cup while he sat in the minors.

Mike Ribeiro

Charge: Always looking like an out of work porn star if he doesn’t shave for 2 days. Or maybe Public Intoxication.

Ribeiro was eating at a restaurant with his wife and another couple when his wife got into a verbal fight with another woman. Apparently she has as big a mouth as he does. Anyways, he had been drinking, because it’s a night out at a restaurant with friends, and an off duty cop took them all into custody. Ribeiro was never sentenced because a psychic came in and told the officers that in a few years time, the only team that would sign him would be the Coyotes. They figured that was punishment enough.

5 Trades Avs Management Would Have Made Under Sacco/Sherman

Patrick Roy is doing a great job as coach and Joe Sakic is doing a great job at whatever his job title is that no one remembers because he’s actually just the GM to everyone. It is hard to imagine where the Avs would be this year if they had kept Sherman as GM and Sacco as coach. We don’t mean it would be hard to gauge their place in thr standings. We mean they would be so horrible in their battles with Buffalo for last place that it would be really hard to think about.

The management moves have been great thu far with the new/old boys in town, so here is a list of trades we think the old brass would have made so far this year if they were still in power:

To Colorado

:

Any 2 4^th liners on the Sabres, and a 7^th rd draft pick

To Buffalo:

Tyson Barrie, a 1^st rd pick

Trade reasoning: “We have lot of D in our system and too much skill up front. So this trade will allow us to be less offensive on the backend, and scratch high energy scorers for non-physical, unskilled players.”

To Philadelphia:

Semyon Varlamov, another decent roster player

To Colorado:

Erik Gustaffson, Jay Rosehill

Trade Reasoning: We weren’t yet at the cap floor, and we need another defenseman that can’t kill penalties. Rosehill is a good acquisition because he can play a solid 5 minutes a night and end the game -2. But overall, we decided to regain the title of worst management from Ed Snider.

To Carolina:

Matt Duchene, Ryan Wilson, Jamie McGinn

To Colorado:

Rick DiPietro, Nathan Gerbe, 6^th rd pick

Trade Reasoning: “With the sudden absence of a starter, DiPietro is a proven injury case. We like those. Gerbe will make us smaller up front because size doesn’t help win hockey games at all. We also feel we have not given enough up yet for failed 1^st overall picks. Does anyone know the number of Patrik Stefan’s agent? We have about $4M we can spend to get to the cap floor.

To Montreal:

Colin Smith, Joey Hishon, Chris Bigras, Michael Sgarbossa

To Colorado: Davis Drewiske

Trade Reasoning: After trading emerging NHL scorer Michael Bournival to the Canadiens for Ryan O’Byrne, we felt as though we stil have not given up enough young talented prospects for useless slow D that will plague our blueline for years.

To Calgary:

Ryan O’Reilly

To Colorado:

David Jones, Shane O’Brien, TJ Galiardi

Trade Reasoning: We were trying to think of a few former Avs to bring back to club, either in coaching, management, or players. And this is what we came up! Vegas baby.

The Official Colorado Avalanche Bandwagoner's Fan Guide

With great power comes great responsibility. How can this famous saying be carried over to hockey and the Colorado Avalanche? With a great start comes a great number of bandwagon fans. So, all you bandwagon fans out there, here is your official Bandwagon Fan Guide for the 2013/14 Colorado Avalanche!

If your second favorite team is the San Jose Sharks, then consider this our formal request for you to leave the world of hockey all together. Just a heads up, you’ll probably end up in Phoenix.

It’s pronounced WAH. If you say ROY, or R-WAH, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Gabriel Landeskog is our captain. Yes,  Joe Sakic has retired. Yes. Really. No, we understand you’ve been a little busy in life to realize that, it’s not like it was a big deal or anything.

Oh you remember the glory days of “Sakic, Forsberg, Tanguay, Roy, Bourque, Lemieux, and Hejduk”? Do you remember the mediocre days of Laaksonen, Vaananen, Morris, Klee, Konowalchuk, and Brigley? What about the awful days of Galiardi, Hensick, Yip, Dupuis, Jones, Hannan, Stoa, and Quincey? No? Didn’t think so.

Don’t ask when the Avs redesigned their jerseys. Just don’t.

The Avalanche have 4 retired numbers. Yes, it’s only just a coincidence that is the number of Avs games you’ve watched in the last 10 years. (If you realized the Avs actually had 5 retired numbers, please enter the mentorship program for the new Avs fans. Duration: a few weeks, or whenever the Avs get passed by Chicago in the standings)

Don’t argue that Steve Yzerman is the best #19 to play the game. Claude Lemieux will find you, and go all Liam Neeson in Taken on your sorry behind.

DO brush up on semi-current Avs events such as the Shattenkirk trade and what to do with Paul Stastny. When these conversations flare up, don’t be quiet.

The Avs used to be the Quebec Nordiques. Mentioning the fact that they won their first Cup as an expansion team might make you look…like a bandwagon fan.

Yes; you are the worst type of fan in sports. No, we don’t want you to stay.

The Avs have won 2 Stanley Cups.  Oh, you just realized that a few other teams have won more? And now you’re a Canadiens fan? We understand. Sacrebleu.

Uwe Krupp scored the Cup winning goal in 1996. Yes we know, you have no idea who he is. But don’t worry, that won’t matter in a month when a different team goes on a hot streak.

It’s the “Colorado” Avalanche. Not the Denver Avalanche.

No, Ray Bourque wasn’t captain when the Avs won the cup in 2001. Yes he lifted it first but that’s only because…ugh nevermind.

If your second favorite team is the Red Wings, Canucks, Stars, or Wild, you best keep that to yourself.

If your second favorite team is the Penguins, Hawks, or Bruins, then the Panthers are probably eagerly awaiting your pledge of fandom if they ever get good.

If someone asks you “Why do you like the Avs” don’t say it’s “Because they’re awesome” . Yes that’s the reason, but you best keep that to yourself as well.

It is well advised for you to get an Avs hat or something. Walking around in a Blackhawks cap or a Flyers hat while saying you’re an Avs fan isn’t a good way to make friends.

The Avalanche play at the Pepsi center. It’s surprising how many “fans” don’t know where their teams play.

If you are under 10 years old and the Avs are your new sudden favorite team, that’s ok. You’re 10. You don’t know any better. And you should probably get off the internet. There are some popups on here that will just confuse you until you watch basic cable past midnight.

Sem-Yawn Var-Lah-Mov. Learn how to pronounce it, because jeez you're going to make yourself look stupid if you don't.

And last but not least:

That fluke OT goal against San Jose in the 2010 playoffs? Ryan O'Reilly knew exactly what he was doing and don't you dare say otherwise.

When the Avs lose a few games in a row or they get eliminated and you throw them under the bus, keep reading this blog. We need all the help we can get.

VIDEO: Patrick Roy Freaks Out On Bruce Boudreau

In the dying seconds of the Avs home opener, Ben Lovejoy went knee on knee with newest Av centerman Nathan MacKinnon. This set off a skirmish at the final buzzer of the game, during which Patrick Roy lost his cool. Here is the video of Roy's tirade against Ducks coach Bruce Boudreau. Sticktap you YouTube user Fred Murtz:

How good is it to have him back?

A Look At Remaining UFA's: Who Should The Avs Sign/Condem To The KHL?

The Avs look like a pretty good team on paper. Ok, don’t look at the defense, that still needs work. More on that later. But as with any NHL team (yes Canucks fans, that means you, your team isn’t perfect so just stop it already) there are holes, and ways to improve. The NHL website recently released a list of the top remaining UFA’s. So let’s take a look, shall we, at the remaining top free agents left on the table, and we’ll see if they are worthy enough for the Avs to save from the KHL.

We’ll throw in Patrick Roy’s projected line combinations to help you judge where a certain player would be on the team:

• Ryan O’Reilly — Matt Duchene — P.A. Parenteau
• Gabe Landeskog — Paul Stastny — Alex Tanguay
• Jamie McGinn — Nathan MacKinnon — Steve Downie

Brendan Morrow, LW. We haven’t seen any Avs fans on Twitter, Facebook, or anywhere else, talk about how the Avs should sign the former Stars star. And you know what we think of that? Good call. Morrow would be useless on the Avs. He would be a 3^rd line guy at best and maybe play some powerplay time, but we have enough players like him that don’t want as much money, and haven’t been beaten up their whole careers. Morrow is still a great player, but only on teams that need a veteran guy who can play on the 2^nd line wing. Carolina, Florida, Edmonton, Calgary, and other really bad teams come to mind.

Vinny Prospal: LW. See above entry but just take out the fact that Morrow is still effective and a bad team can use him. Have fun in Europe Vinny, it’s been a slice!

Flip Kuba: D. The Avs need help on their blueline, that’s no secret to anyone. But is Kuba the right guy? No. he isn’t. but could he help? Yes he could. Here’s an idea Avs management, yes we’re talking to you too Joe Sakic, get rid of Hunwick, Sarich, Benoit, and Hejda, and bring in Kuba. He is an offensive minded guy, gifted passer, great at breakouts, an anchor on the powerplay, and just all around talented. Now, is he a Drew Doughty, Ryan Suter, or Kris Letang? No. but he would be a perfect replacement for Dime-A-Dozen Hejda on the 2^nd line D. And he will probably be pretty cheap.

Ron Hainsey: D. The Avs need a bit of a pick me up on D. Broken record much? But the Avs don’t need Ron Hainsey. Hainsey is like a miz between Erik Johnson and Ryan Wilson except with way less skill and ability. So really, as much as he would fit in on our backend because of that, we should just leave him standing in the unemployment line. Go get him Oilers!

Simon Gagne: LW. Would you like a really talented 1^st or 2^nd line winger that is always top five in league scoring, is healthy as a horse, has blistering speed, a great shot, and good hands? Then jump in your time machine and go get Simon Gagne in 2006. Next!

Ilya Bryzgalov, G. Something tells me these guys are unemployed for a reason. Its obvious why Bryz wouldn’t fit in with the Avs. He isn’t any good anymore, hes getting old, he’ll be making a ton of money of the geniuses in Flyer land nd still want a huge paycheck, because he’s Russian (yea we went there. Russian player rant coming soon as well), and Varlamov os our guy. Period. We were going to do a “why you hef to be” joke but we instead opted for less popular “your momma joke”. Hey Ilya, Your momma is so Russian, that when Stalin…no nevermind this isn’t going to be appropriate. Have fun watching the Olympics on your TV.

Damien Brunner: RW. The only use Brunner would have on the Avs is if after every tough loss, they tied him up like a piñata in his old Wings jersey and beat him with plaster molds of Claude Lemieux’s arms.  

So there you have it. One player is deemed good enough by us and our expertise to don an Avs jersey for this season. Do you agree? Disagree? There is always the option for RFA offer sheets to guys like Franson and Pietrangelo, but Sakic doesn’t seem like a lowballing screw up likeJay Feaster.

A Numbers Game: #13

By Kevin Goff
@BrgBrigadeKevin

Well, when I first suggested about writing the piece for #13 with the Colorado Avalanche, I was certain I'd find a few more names than there actually are. Going back to when the Colorado Avalanche were the Quebec Nordiques, a grand total of three people have ever donned jersey number 13. Since moving to Colorado, there have only been two, so this makes it a little interesting, especially since you can't really say that either of them were the worst.

The Best:Valeri Kamensky. When the Avalanche first came to Denver, Kamensky might have been one of the most overlooked stars on that heavily loaded team. Everybody knew about Joe Sakic and Peter Forsberg. But then the Avalanche added Claude Lemieux and acquired Sandis Ozolinsh early on in the season. Add in the big trade for Patrick Roy and you're barely even thinking about Kamensky. 

Don't forget though, during that 1995 -1996 year, Kamensky had career highs in goals assists and points. He had 38 goals and 47 assists for 85 points. He also had 10 goals and 12 assists for 22 points in that year's run to the playoffs where everybody was overshadowed by Joe Sakic's domination. Kamensky had a deceptively huge shot, great hands and immense skill. 

I had the good fortune of being able to interview Kamensky when I was writing with Bleacher Report a few years back where I got the chance to reminisce about winning the Stanley Cup. Truly an awesome experience. 

The Worst: By process of elimination, the only other 13 for the Colorado Avalanche was Dan Hinote. I wouldn't want to refer to him as the worst anything, though, as he was a very useful player on Colorado's 2001 Stanley Cup Championship team. He was a fast, physical, wrecking ball of a player that could show some offensive flash from time to time. A great character guy that knew his role and performed it very well, but didn't have nearly the kind of talent that Valeri Kamensky had. So, rather than call him "The Worst", perhaps he is just "The Second" number 13. 

There really isn't an irrelevant 13, but if you want to go that way, we can call Mats Sundin, who was the only other player in the franchise to wear 13, this one since he wore it while he was a member of the Quebec Nordiques.

Also in the Series:

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