The USA Olympic Roster: Are You Kidding Me!?

We keep hoping that January 1^st will be revealed as a second “April Fools” type day of the year. Why? Because that would mean the USA Olympic roster would be one big joke. Oh wait, it already is. Are you kidding me with this roster? Yes, our national team does not have the star studded talent that the Canadians have, but come one. My neighbour’s brother’s niece’s best friend’s little sister could have picked a better roster than this. And she’s 7 years old.

Let’s starts off with the obvious. Erik Johnson has been left off of the roster. Now, he isn’t the best American defenseman in the world, that’s no secret. But I’ll tell you what. He is better than Cam Fowler, Brooks Orpik, Paul Martin, and Justin Faulk. That is 4 guys picked ahead of EJ that he is better, or at least, equal with in skill.

Let’s continue talking about the defense. Justin Faulk is a 21 year old kid on Carolina who is part of a terrible defensive corps. And he gets the call over Jack Johnson. Johnson is an outstanding defenseman who has proven himself on the international stage 10 time. TEN times!

Then there’s this guy, you may have heard of him, Keith Yandle. The second best American defenseman in the world. He was left off the roster because he was said to be a defensive liability. Because Cam Fowler isn’t? Fowler is and offensive d-man, with defensive liabilities as well. So, dear reader, if you had a choice of who to sign to the Avs, Yandle or Fowler, who would you choose? Yandle? Yea, we know.

Onto the forwards. And we’re going to sum this up in one sentence. Max Pacioretty, Blake Wheeler, and Ryan Callahan ON the team: Jason Pomminville, Kyle Okposo, and Bobby Ryan OFF the team. Callahan is the most deserving of the three, but how can you justify leaving Ryan, Okposo (2^nd place in points among American NHLers) and Pomminville? Oh, because Ryan isn’t fast enough and Pomminville and Okposo won’t do well on the big ice. Well then good thing you picked the “speedy” Joe Pavelski and the explosive David Backes.

We could go on for pages and pages over the horrible choices an shocking snubs on the USA roster, but we won’t. Just prepare yourself for no medals and an absolute barrage of shots. The only thing these guys got right was the goalies. Good luck Pacioretty. Score some goals on the 4^th line Wheeler. Try not to be undressed TOO much Orpik and Martin. And when the United States are eliminated from medal contention by the Swiss or Czechs, laugh until you pull an oblique muscle Ryan, Johnson, Johnson, Okposo, and Yandle. 

Hey Gabe, Do You Think It's Time To Start Scoring Again?

Gabe Landeskog is an all-around elite player. He plays a gritty game, goes to the hard places, backchecks, kills penalties, and has an offensive punch that ranks him up there with the best of them. Let’s focus on that last part; the offensive punch.

Remember that home and home against the Wild where Landeskog had goals in each games? Well those were the only goals he has scored in the past 15 games. That’s right, 2 goals in 15 games for the Avalanche captain. That isn’t very good. In the last 15 games, the Avalanche have sort of come down to Earth from their shocking start winning only 8 of their last 15 games. In those 7 losses they have not scored more than 2 goals. Do you think they could have used some of Landeskog’s  scoring touch? Probably.

Bottom line: If the Avs want to continue being successful, then guys like Landeskog, especially Landeskog, needs to start putting pucks into the net. And it isn’t like Landeskog is helping offensively in other ways. In those 15 games he has only 5 assists and is -1. In his last 10 games Landeskog has 0 goals and just 3 assists. That’s horrible. Yes, it can be argued that his linemates Parenteau and Stastny are holding him back, but Landeskog is type of player who should make those around him better. And it isn’t like PA and Stastny don’t have enough skill to compliment the young Swede.

So Gabe, you think it might be time to start finding the scoresheet again? Great, thanks. 

Why The Stadium Series/Outdoor Games Are A Joke

Yes, the Stadium series is a joke. And here is why:

Remember that one week all those years ago when YOLO was actually cool? Like it was actually a new, innovative acronym for a very true expression? And if you said it, it was considered witty, funny, and true. But then you started hearing it everywhere didn’t you? Kids were saying it, it was in songs, on t-shirts, on sunglasses, and then all of the sudden it wasn’t cool anymore. Oh no, it was lame. Rightfully so. Well this year, the NHL has made outdoor games the equivalent of YOLO. They had it so right before. One outdoor game a year, 2 outdoor games every 4 years with the Heritage Classic in Canada. What did this do? This kept outdoor games, The Winter Classic, a fresh, fun, exciting event; something to look forward to. But just like YOLO, it has been ruined. You take the ONE game, throw it around to teams who we’ve already seen play outdoors (Rangers, Wings, Penguins AGAIN, Hawks) coupled with teams we don’t want to see outdoors (Islanders, Devils, Senators) and now outdoor games are just mainstream. Is anyone truly excited to watch every single outdoor game this year? And to top it all off, just like YOLO, the outdoor games have made their way to Hollywood. Which leads us to the next section:

An outdoor game in California? That place known best for its hot, sunny weather outside of Florida? This game will get ratings. No, not because people want to see Selanne, Perry, Brown, and Doughty play outside, but because they want to see how bad the ice is, how it screws up the game, and how the TV crew tries to pretend the conditions aren’t god awful. People will watch but just because they want to see how bad things get. We call this the “Paranormal Activity 5” effect. They’ll watch, but not because its good.

Now this is the part that is WAY too obvious and way too frustrating. The Winter Classic and Heritage Classic should be celebrations of the game of hockey and its roots. Going back to where the game started, outdoors on a sheet of ice, against whatever elements are thrown at the players. Instead, the NHL has turned it all into a disgusting way to make back the loads of money it lost during the most recent (THIRD) lockout. I can hear the NHL’s thoughts now: “Let’s find absolutely massive stadiums, fill the seats, and make a ton of money off attendance revenue. Also, let’s divide the games into 3 separate categories. The Winter Classic, Heritage Classic, and Stadium Series. Why? So we can get three sponsors of course! CHA-CHING!”

And what’s worse, is that every team but the Canucks will be designing and wearing a new jersey. We’ve already seen most teams’ jerseys, and given the time you’re reading this, we have seen the Hawks new jersey too. Now in trying not to sound overly cynical about the whole thing, come one, do the teams really all need new jerseys? And it’s not like they are bringing back old jerseys, like the Canucks are doing with their Millionaires jerseys. These are NEW jerseys. Why couldn’t the Ducks wear the eggplant jerseys? The Kings could have worn their purple and yellow jerseys. The Wings could have worn their older Winter Classic jerseys and Isles could have gone back to one of the 18 jerseys they’ve had over the past 6 years. Come on Rangers. You really didn’t have an old jersey style to reincarnate? No, probably not, you’ve only been around since the 20’s. But then if you did that, then everyone wouldn’t spend as much money on these manipulative events. Many people have the eggplant Ducks jerseys and the purple Kings jerseys, so that’s going to be a number of fans who don’t pull out their credit cards and send some more money the NHL’s way. It’s pathetic really. And very transparent.

Oh and if you’re thinking “The NHL only does this because the fans keep paying money. The fans are letting them get away with it” then think of it this way: if a child wants you to buy him an ice cream cone, and you make him shine your shoes every time you do, you could say “If he’s willing to shine your shoes then why stop him” but this does not make it right to take advantage of the child because you keep getting your shoes dirty. The NHL is taking advantage of its excellent, loyal, passionate fans because they keep losing money on horrible decisions and lockouts. And we’re paying for it. What a joke.

The 12 Days Of Avsmus. A Christmas Wishlist For Avs Fans

Ahh Christmas. The time of year society forces us to spend money to express our love and care for the people in our lives. The time we used to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. The time Gary Bettman hyperventilates at all the Hockey Related Revenue being driven into the league's pockets. And the time that the Avs are 19-6 unless you're reading this past Thursday. 

So as an Avs fan, or a friend of an Avs fan, or an Avs fans who's befriended another Avs fan, you might be thinking to yourself "What Avs related items should I get him/her?"

Well look no further. We present you the 12 Days of Avsmus. A Christmas list for Avs fans.

On the 1^st day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A hockey puck because she is cheap.

Either an official game puck, or just a puck with a great design on it. This is a very inexpensive way to tell the Avs fan in your life that you remembered his or her favorite team. Price Range: $2-15.

On the 2^nd day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A Mini stick of my favorite team.

For the child on your shopping list, or adult who refuses to grow up. C’mon guys, we’ve all played mini-sticks past 25, don’t lie to yourself. Mini sticks come blank, or with NHL team logos on them, and even feature players like Ovechkin and Crosby. Good luck finding your favorite Avalanche player on one though because they aren’t Ovechkin and Crosby. Price range: $5-30

On the 3^rd day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: Some Hockey cards ‘cause he’s pretty sweet.

 Hockey Cards: Not specific to the Avalanche but hey, if you get them enough hockey cards, we’re sure a Colorado player will come up. Hockey cards are a fun hobby and a great way to represent your love for the game. Price range: $1.50-50, dependent upon if you get single packs or hobby boxes.

On the 4^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: An Avalanche Ornament for my tree!

Looking for something more sentimental? Something more festive and special? Well Colorado Avalanche Christmas tree ornaments are fun, reusable, festive, and unique. These can be found in local sports stores during the holiday season, online, and in your neighbour’s house if they already have one. Just kidding. Stealing would put you on Santa’s naughty list, and you might get a Red Wings puck in your stalking. Price range: $2-15.

On the 5^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: Blood Feud because I can read!

A book by Denver Post sports writer Adrian Dater. If you are a hardcore Avs fan, or even a bandwagon jumper who can read, (Sorry hockey fans from Kentucky, but maybe there is a “Books on Tape” edition) then this is a must have. This book talks about the fierce Red Wings/Avs rivalry of the mid to late 90’s and is a must read for the veteran fan wanting to relive the brawls, or the new fan yearning for a piece of history. The book can be ordered at many bookstores, it can be found online, and it is also available in Kindle form. Amazon does it best: http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Feud-Colorado-Avalanche-Nastiest/dp/1589793196

 Technology eh? Gotta love it. Price range: $7-24.

On the 6^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: An Avs hat, and shipping was free!

This year’s draft hat or one of the many featured online or in hockey stores around the country, wherever you may be. An Avalanche hat is a nice simple way of being able to constantly support the team, while looking mighty snazzy as you do so. Price range: $9-40

On the 7^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A picture plaque for my house guests to see!

By now we hope you are reading the headings in tune of the 12 Days of Christmas. Have you ever been walking through the mall and hit the kiosk where they have absolutely amazing pictures and paintings of NHL players in a beautiful frame? Pictures like this would light up any guy’s man cave, or any girl’s recreation room. Popular players featured in these works of art include Joe Sakic, Patrick Roy, Peter Forsberg, Ray Bourque, Alex Tanguay, and the list goes on. Price range: $50-800.

On the 8^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A hoody, shirt, sweater or shirsey”

Less expensive than a jersey, and still a great way to sport the colors of Burgundy and Blue.  These can also be worn more in public. Unfortunately jerseys are not very versatile. Shirseys are great too. Sporting #92 or #29 (sorry dyslexic people) whithout paying $100+ would make Puddy off of Seinfeld happy. Gotta support the team. Price range: $10-150. (The really nice hoodies are expensive but worth it)

On the 9^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A bed spread complete with Avs sheets.

Admit it. Growing up, and probably still, you wanted your room decked out in Avs stuff, including an Avalanche bed set. Look in your Wal-Mart or Sears catalogue, or similar stores to find this. How cool would that be? Price range: $45-100

                                                                                                                                 

On the 10^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: An Avs lanyard or tag for my keys!

Key chains, bottle openers, mini pucks, lanyards. Make starting your car, opening your mailbox, and locking your house extra exciting by having one of these many Avs themed key sets. That was perhaps the biggest over sell of key related items since Watergate. Price range: $1-15

On the 11^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: A box that contained an Avalanche jersey!

 Blank or customized, home or away, blueberry or vintage, a Colorado Avalanche jersey will put a huge smile of the face of any fan of the team. Jerseys can be found online at the NHL store if you want to feed Gary Bettman, or in Colorado Avalanche team stores, as well as (if you do not live in Colorado) a wide array of sporting memorabilia stores throughout the United States and Canada. Price Range: $124-400. We would also suggest checking out @ColAvsJerseys on Twitter and eBay.

On the 12^th day of Avsmus my Avs friend gave to me: game tickets for section thirty!

No you don’t have to stick to section thirty, but it rhymed. Tickets are a staple gift around the holidays, and if you have a ton of money, they make an amazing stalking stuffer.  Price range: $24-150+. You can find $24 tickets on StubHub sometimes.

Well there you have it folks. Our top 12 gift ideas for the Colorado Avalanche fan in your life. Or of you are lonely around the holidays, you can buy this stuff for yourself. We hope to have given you some ideas or some reassurance as to what to get your hockey fans. If you think we left anything out feel free to leave more ideas for the readers in the comment section below. And Happy Holidays. 

A Numbers Game: #14

(This is a series that will run through the offseason that highlights the best, worst, and most irrelevant players to wear each number from 1 to whenever there isn’t enough players that wore a certain number to do this. So…here…we…go…)

Think about the number 14 for Avs players. Before you go down the list, name 5 players that have worn #14. Can you do it? If you cant even name 5 players that have worn #14 for the Avalanche then you aren’t alone. As it turns out, 9 players have worn #14 for the burgundy and blue, but most stays with the number have been brief. 14 is also the number of starts Roberto Luongo will get before the Canucks fans start crying out for Eddie Lack. Because the horrible Canucks team/lack of defense and a strong core is Luonogo’s fault. Enjoying those paychecks Mike Gillis?

The Best: None other than Ian Laperriere. The only time Lappy scored 20 goals in an NHL season was his first with the Avs (05/06) and it was also his highest point total. But it wasn’t his point production that made Avs fans fall in love with him. It was his style of play, his grit, his fighting, his pesty qualities, his heart, his passion. His scoring dipped severely over the next few seasons in Colorado, but he still played good solid games.

The Worst: Tom Fitzgerald. Fitzgerald was more a victim of circumstance. He was traded to the Avs to man the RW spot on the 3^rd and 4^th lines in the playoffs. He played 11 games, scored 3 points, and was relatively ineffective. Needless to say, he did not get resigned, but became a vital part of the newly founded Nashville Predators.

Mr. Irrelevant: Christian Matte only played 22 games for the Avs, and only 7 while wearing #14. A leading scorer in the IHL and AHL through the 90’s, Matte could not crack an NHL lineup, let alone the talented, deep Avs corp. 394 points in 390 AHL games isn’t bad though.

Other 14’s:

Landon Wilson

Dave Hannan

Theoren Fleury

Dave Reid

Tomas Fleischmann

David Van Der Gulik

Also in the Series:

1    2   3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10    11    12    13    14    15    16    17    18    19  

20   21    22    23    24    25    26    27    28    29    30    31    32    33    34    35    36    

37    38    39    40    41    42    43    44    45    46    47    48    49    50    51    52    53   

54    55    57   58    59    60    62    63    71    77    87    88    90    92    94    97

Semyon Varlamov: Not The Only NHL Player To Be Arrested

If you are just hearing for the first time that Semyon Varlamov has been charged with third degree assault, then you should probably crawl back under that rock you live in. it’s getting lonely. Over the past few years the Avs have kind of been a joke around the league hey weren’t good, their games were boring, and they often finished in the basement (Landeskog, Duchene, MacKinnon: Who’s laughing now?). So given the recent success of this team, and their great play, Avs haters are using this charge on our goalie to finally stick it to/beak Avs fans. Ridiculous isn’t it? Here’s a tip: If someone  says “Well at least my goalie wasn’t arrested” respond with something like…oh I don’t know…”16-5” and just walk away like cool action heroes after an explosion near the end of the movie.

But it is important to keep in mind that Varly isn’t the only NHL player to have a run in with the law. Here are a few more recent cases:

Dustin Byfuglien

Charge: Careless boating.

Yea that wouldn’t go over so well in jail. Guys would be exchanging stories…”I’m in here for armed robbery man”…”I’m in here for grand larceny dawg.”…..”I’m in here because I found my wife cheating. They still haven’t found the bodies”….”I’m in here because I had 2 beers before going on a boat ride, and the cop was probably a Canucks fan.” Not so tough. Byfuglien was sentenced to 2 years of weight watchers.

Ben Eager

Charge: Assault.

Eager was arrested with his brother after an incident at a pub during the lockout last year. I guess he wasn’t really that Eager to negotiate a new CBA. Eager was sentenced to another season with the Oilers.

Nikolai Zherdev

Charge: Having a last name that’s way too hard to spell when you’re driving a boat drunk.

Actual Charge: Intentional damage to property of others.

Flyers owner Ed Snider had Zherdev arrested for intentionally damaging the good name of the Philadelphia Flyers, using his on ice play as a weapon. Just kidding. He actually smashed his wife’s car after a night out together at a restaurant. He was also heard yelling threats at his wife. Thise threats were probably along the lines of “I’ll go back to the KHL! I’ll do it!” Zherdev was sentenced to go back to the KHL. But it’s ok, now  no one watches him play because it’s the KHL.

Sean Avery

Charge: Suspicion of battery on a police officer. Because Avery keeps going and going and going and going…

Avery is all to familiar with charging in his career. It was 1 a.m. and a noise complaint was filed. Apparently it was music, but no one would be surprised if Avery was really just standing in front of a mirror yelling about how great he was. So when the police officer came…we’d just like to take a second and give ourselves a pat on the back for that Energizer Bunny/battery joke….when the police came Avery shoved one of them and was arrested. I had no idea Wayne Gretzky became a cop. STILL no NHLer can touch him without feeling the heat. No word on if Dave Semenko was his partner. Avery was sentenced to a life in the fashion industry.

Brett Sutter

Charge: Suspicion of assault.

Sutter apparently punched a guy outside of a bar at night. No word on if that guy was Jay Feaster and Sutter was just really mad because he was drafted to the Flames. Sutter was sentenced to watch his dad win a Stanley Cup while he sat in the minors.

Mike Ribeiro

Charge: Always looking like an out of work porn star if he doesn’t shave for 2 days. Or maybe Public Intoxication.

Ribeiro was eating at a restaurant with his wife and another couple when his wife got into a verbal fight with another woman. Apparently she has as big a mouth as he does. Anyways, he had been drinking, because it’s a night out at a restaurant with friends, and an off duty cop took them all into custody. Ribeiro was never sentenced because a psychic came in and told the officers that in a few years time, the only team that would sign him would be the Coyotes. They figured that was punishment enough.

5 Trades Avs Management Would Have Made Under Sacco/Sherman

Patrick Roy is doing a great job as coach and Joe Sakic is doing a great job at whatever his job title is that no one remembers because he’s actually just the GM to everyone. It is hard to imagine where the Avs would be this year if they had kept Sherman as GM and Sacco as coach. We don’t mean it would be hard to gauge their place in thr standings. We mean they would be so horrible in their battles with Buffalo for last place that it would be really hard to think about.

The management moves have been great thu far with the new/old boys in town, so here is a list of trades we think the old brass would have made so far this year if they were still in power:

To Colorado

:

Any 2 4^th liners on the Sabres, and a 7^th rd draft pick

To Buffalo:

Tyson Barrie, a 1^st rd pick

Trade reasoning: “We have lot of D in our system and too much skill up front. So this trade will allow us to be less offensive on the backend, and scratch high energy scorers for non-physical, unskilled players.”

To Philadelphia:

Semyon Varlamov, another decent roster player

To Colorado:

Erik Gustaffson, Jay Rosehill

Trade Reasoning: We weren’t yet at the cap floor, and we need another defenseman that can’t kill penalties. Rosehill is a good acquisition because he can play a solid 5 minutes a night and end the game -2. But overall, we decided to regain the title of worst management from Ed Snider.

To Carolina:

Matt Duchene, Ryan Wilson, Jamie McGinn

To Colorado:

Rick DiPietro, Nathan Gerbe, 6^th rd pick

Trade Reasoning: “With the sudden absence of a starter, DiPietro is a proven injury case. We like those. Gerbe will make us smaller up front because size doesn’t help win hockey games at all. We also feel we have not given enough up yet for failed 1^st overall picks. Does anyone know the number of Patrik Stefan’s agent? We have about $4M we can spend to get to the cap floor.

To Montreal:

Colin Smith, Joey Hishon, Chris Bigras, Michael Sgarbossa

To Colorado: Davis Drewiske

Trade Reasoning: After trading emerging NHL scorer Michael Bournival to the Canadiens for Ryan O’Byrne, we felt as though we stil have not given up enough young talented prospects for useless slow D that will plague our blueline for years.

To Calgary:

Ryan O’Reilly

To Colorado:

David Jones, Shane O’Brien, TJ Galiardi

Trade Reasoning: We were trying to think of a few former Avs to bring back to club, either in coaching, management, or players. And this is what we came up! Vegas baby.